(kilo)kish robinson b.1990

night #1 

having seen you there beside your friends through the crack in the door, behind the doorman’s frame, looking from behind his left shoulder, I noticed you all like a ragtag group from fat albert. i noticed you behind other pleading eyes to come inside and poorly dressed girls pushing past me. watered down vodka sodas and jameson and gingers spillage against my right side. I noticed a cream colored girl hiding behind as i hid behind the door guard as he clicked in no one. My eyes did not meet yours, purposely. I stepped backwards in sticky soiled flooring. back into the heat and mist the red light special lights and strobe. A heat rushed over me, i played my songs as the heat rushed over me and i wondered. I was mixing two cliche songs when you walked in. I may have missed my cue or something like that, forcing the cliche song to run longer than expected. wishing for another songs girls repeated that step-to robotic dance that signaled to me they were over it and i quickly came to my senses and cut the track. I had barely taken a sip of my vodka tonic which was precisely 35% vodka and 40 percent tonic and the rest metallic tasting tap water ice that they warn you about consuming on the news. A shaky hand grabs it up, tapping a cue with my left and i float my eyes over a sea of heads and out through the back door smoking patio where i see y’all migrating. switching djs and apologizing for my aloofness i unplug and throw things into a leather knapsack which was given to me for free - i wade through the red sea, anchored by polite requests for pictures and for conversations long enough for them to determine and explain later that i was sweet and nice. I was led by a flamboyant friend in search of cigarettes and i put on a brave face and turned my anger into arrogance and egotism. Asking a girl of five feet for a cigarette she lights for me and i run into a young boy who has his eyes on me. it would never happen but for the sake of changing the subject i don’t completely neglect his conversation. expecting to be able to have some sort of entrance i am rather shocked when i turn the corner to see all of you.

my first tokyo #1

my first tokyo #1